There is something seriously wrong with me.
I can not make a serious, committed decision if my life depended on it. This is why boyfriends don’t seem to last, I can’t sign an apartment lease for than month-to-month, and even my wireless carrier has cut me a month-to-month deal. I was even engaged once for about 7 days, and then the pressure of committing to another human for the rest of my life was just too much to handle at 21. The second something seems to be working out, the other party slaps a title to it, and I instantly don’t want it anymore.
Do I only love the thrill of the chase?
Here’s my latest dilemma.:
San Francisco, you know I love you. Your beautiful, you’re sexy, you’ve been good to me, and we’ve had great times times together. But, are you it for me? For the rest of my life?
We had our time apart while I tried a brief stint on the East Coast (Hey, wanna move to the East Coast? Yes! Yes I do! Upon arrival: Oh wait, no, no I don’t). I swear I thought of you the whole time I was gone. So what’s wrong with me now?
The problem is that I just moved into a new! amazing! apartment! It’s big, it has a gourmet kitchen, my shower has 2 shower heads (oooooo, aaaaahhhh), and my roommate is a doll. It’s walking distance to everything I need, including the Giants ballpark. There’s even a private movie theater in my building! So what’s the problem.? I’m getting to it I promise.
First, my sister Deb has decided to move to Paris (read about the move on her blog here). Then, my ex-boyfriend tells me he maybe kinda sorta wants to move to Paris, or Buenos Aires, or just somewhere he doesn’t speak the language. Now my other sister Jessica decided to up and leave and move to San Clemente.
I find myself SO jealous. Why do they think they can just up and leave? Not that Paris or Buenos Aires or San Clemente really appeal to me, but it’s the fact that they can. Why can’t I just move to Barcelona? I want to re-learn Spanish and eat enchiladas and hang out at the beach. Oh yeah. I have a new apartment. And a job. People who depend on me for their income, sales, and rent. The thought that I can’t just pack my bags and head for Mexico at a moment’s notice leaves me panicked and uncomfortable.
In fact, this is the 3rd day in a row I’ve written in this blog, and tomorrow I’ll feel obligated to write, so then I’ll probably boycott it for a week just so I don’t feel like writing is a requirement. Wow, there really is something wrong with me. I digress…
Now leaving is all I can think about. I find myself scouring the internetz for cheap tickets anywhere. Why can’t it still be the 90’s when a $100 plane ticket could get you pretty far, and $500, well you can go just about anywhere?
For now, I shall continue planning out my dream foreign country move on Pinterest, until I actually have the guts to do something about it.
Do you ever wish you could move somewhere completely new and foreign? Are you afraid of commitment (in any form)? Please tell me I’m not alone in this.
P.S. Everything DOES NOT suck, and I am VERY grateful for everything I have. I love my job, and my new apartment. It’s just one of those days.